concentrate

need to focus. I keep losing sight of my goal. why? too many things on my mind.

I need silence. solitude. reflection.

gathering my thoughts

wow. today was one crazy day. I seriously need to slow down and reflect on myself, my values, my priorities, and what my calling is. I have been so distracted by my own thoughts, that I think I've been blocking out God's voice. There is so much static between me and Him. Not only my own voice, but my parent's voices, schoolwork, internet, music, friends... just everything in my life. I wish I could go on a mountaintop where I can hear His voice clearly. No static. No distractions. Just God calling and speaking to me.

"The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, 'Samuel! Samuel!' Then Samuel said, 'Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.'" 1 Samuel 3:10.

Here I am Lord. Speak, for your servant is listening.

Re: Dear my friend,

You know i'm always here for you. :) We've each had our share of feeling completely alone in the world, but now it doesn't have to be so. I believe God has brought us together to grow in each other, to encourage one another. I'm sincerely thankful that I was given the chance to meet you, get to know you, and open up to you. Let's continue our spiritual walk in the Lord and put our full trust in Him, in what he has in store for us. Even if the road is rocky and even if there are obstacles we need to jump over, we can endure through it together and in the Lord. I love ya! : D

from,
your friend

laughter

of the day.

joe: so you know how when you eat meat you wrap it around with mulchi (멸치)?
us: uhh... what?
joe: you know that thing you always eat meat with? the green thing that looks like this (makes hand motions)
us: ... that's not mulchi.
joe: OH I mean.. kkaetnip (깻잎) I always get those two confused.
us: *laughing really hard* how do you get mulchi and kkaetnip mixed up???
joe: it makes sense in my world. :)

thank you joe for the laugh of the day :D
we had a good time.

conflicts

I hate conflicts.
God, please show me the right way.
Am I really walking with you? or am I straying away?
Am I really trusting you? or are my doubts blocking the way?
Will you answer my prayers? or am I just blind to what you have to offer me?
Lord, free my hands and make them clean.

cars

why are drivers so eager to run over people...
I almost got hit by a car twice today
I glared at both the drivers...
i mean.. there are traffic lights FOR A REASON.
take your turn. geez.

sunset

Sunsets are so beautiful.
It was our second sunset together :)

Food

I love food too much. especially korean food. mmmmm

please

show me Your way.

class night

tonight was class night. All the freshmen got together and had a time of prayer, praise, and games. I felt really blessed to be a part of Servants, a part of God's plan, and just.. a part of the freshmen group. I hope I will get more chances to know people better.

memories

둘리, 피구왕 통키, 천사소녀 네티, 꾸러기 수비대, 달려라 하니, 세일러문, 빨간머리 앤, 프란더스 개, 요술공주 밍키, 독수리 5형제, 은비 까비의 옛날옛, 날아라 슈퍼보드, 마징가 제트, 드레곤볼 Z, 꼬마 자동차 붕붕, 빨간 망토 차차, 축구왕 슛돌이, 돌고래 요정 티코, 모래 요정 바람돌이, 엄마 찾아 삼만리....

Ine and I spent a while talking about our favorite korean shows that we watched when we were younger... wow.
memories coming back to me... singing along to the opening songs...
good times good times.
그때로 돌아가고 싶다... 추억의 만화들을 다시볼수있게. ㅎ
If you know these. You are awesome :)

Fall

The leaves are changing colors.
Fall is here.

I asked God

I asked God to take away my pain.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
Her spirit was whole, her body was only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a by-product of tribulations, it isn't granted, it is earned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings, Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as he loves me.
God said... Ahhhh, finally you have the idea!

-author unknown

하나님

제 간절한 목소리가 들이시나요
제 뜨거운 눈물이 보이시나요
제 심장뛰는게 느껴지시나요
제 마음을 아시나요
저를, 보잘것 없는 저를,
사랑하시나요

왜 저를 선택하셨나요
너무나도 약하고
잘하는게 하나도 없는 저를
사랑하는 방법도 모르고
사랑받기만하는 저를
너무나도 잘 잊고
한없이 죄를짓는 저를

이 삶에 잔인하고도 또 잔인한 전쟁에서
하나님 없인 안된다는걸
유혹이 너무나도 많은 이 넒은 세상에서
하나님 없인 안된다는걸
내 혼자서의 힘으로는 도저히, 턱없이 부족하다는걸
깨닫게 해주셔서
진심으로, 마음 깊이,
감사합니다

저 산이 하늘에 닿을만큼 높아도
저 바다가 세상 끝까지 갈만큼 넗어도
하나님 사랑 만큼 못하리

You're Everything

David Crowder Band From the Album Can You Hear Us?

You’re everything
I could want
That I could need
If I could see
You want me
Could I believe
‘Cause You’re perfectly
All I want
And all I need
If I could just feel Your touch
Could I be free

Why do You shine so?
Can a blind man see?
Why do you call?
Why do You beckon me?
Can the deaf hear
The voice of love?
Would You have me come?
Can the cripple run?
Are You the one?

To raise me up from this grave
Lyrics
Touch my tongue and then I’ll sing
Heal my limbs then joyfully I’ll run to You

You’re everything
I could want
That I could need
And I can just
Feel Your touch
And I can’t breathe

Look how You shine so
The blind can see
And how you call
How You beckon me
The deaf hear
The voice of love
You bid me come
And the cripple run
You’re the one

‘Cause You’re everything

And I’m alive and I’ll sing
And I’m alive and I’m free…

family photos

Another night filled with fun. we talked about our dream girl/guy... haha I guess we shouldn't be together when we really want to study :) This post is mostly pics cuz I'm too lazy to write anything more.

Thank You

Servants Re*Flect (Wednesday, October 1st, 2008)
Speaker: Pastor Frank Mesina
Passage: Isaiah 43: 1-4

Introduction:
'Grip by Greatness of God': book recommendation

Col 2: 5-16 discusses who we are and how we need to redefine ourselves. We need a change in perspective and we need perspective.

*story of homeless man and old lady

A homeless man knocked on the door of an old lady's house and said, "If there is anything I can do for you, I will do it and you can award me accordingly." The lady wanted him to paint the porch and after he finished, he said. "I don't mean to be rude, but your porch isn't a porch. It's a jaguar."

'paint porch & reward' -> porch (2 definitions, balcony and car)

Here is a huge gap between perspectives in reality; it can be a matter of a life and death situation. It is only after we seek God that can we have true perspective in understanding God.

God loves you and I because He chose us: He is not impressed by you, we do not need to prove ourselves. Although we'd like for God to love us for who we are (we often try to impress God with our performances/grades/actions, but in the end, God doesn't love us for who we are: God loves us because of who He is) "If I'm faithful, perfect, maybe God will choose me." We are unlovable according the Gospel and it is the truth. (At this point in the sermon, we turned to each other and said 'you are unlovable')

We tend to psych ourselves up with energy before a sermon or a test. It is because we try to make ourselves worthy by proving ourselves. Whether it be getting a 4.0 GPA, winning first place, or just doing well on something, we always want to do well so that we won't feel rejected. However, as Christians, it is not building ourselves up based on perfection or performance, because that causes us to be a bottomless pit and have the deepest longing for something. This happens when we are finding our identity by focusing on the fruits and not the roots. We have a place in our hearts that is for God and ONLY God can fill it.

I'm not who I say I am, what my friends/family says I am, or what the mirror reflects back at me. I am who God says I am. He is always right. If we are affected by how we think of ourselves or how others think of us, we've lost perspective along the way. Only God can say, "You are mine" to us. Not even our parents, our friends, our loved ones. "I've called you mine, You are mine among the few that have been chosen."

When someone is adopted today, the legal bond is so tight that his/her parents cannot disown him/her. Our relationship with God is similar; He has adopted us as his sons and daughters. If adoption in our world makes relationships that strong, think of how much greater what God has prepared for us is. When we believe that we are chosen, our fears will be blown away.

(v.1) opposite of fear = faith / you are who you are in God

(v.2) God is here with us. He is not watching us from a distance but He is right here, every moment.

General to specific: God is present – water -> river, fire -> flame

(v. 3,4) "substitutionary atonement"

*story of committed Muslim @ work. In their religion, Allah does not forgive you if you do not forgive someone who has done wrong to you or offended you. This is NOT substitutionary atonement.

Because of God's love He allows a substitute for us - Christ chose to do this because of v.4. Verse 4 shows God's love for us and 'forever' is in present tense. None of your failures/sins matter. However, just because we are valued by God doesn't mean that we are valuable. We are NOT valuable. God values us = you/we are not valuable in ourselves.

The change in perspective is a small change, but the difference that it makes is gimongous. I am God's beloved and He is never going away. It all starts with a new perspective. Because of God's patience, kindness, love, forgiveness, and because He is who He is, we are chosen by him.

John 1: 3-1 how deep the father's love for us is.

There should be no self condemnation. We cannot focus on how messed up we are but the fact that we are chosen by God.

Reflection:

This sermon made me reflect on myself and I felt like every word that Pastor Frank spoke applied to my life. I had been bitter about the world just before large group today. “How much more do I have to work to prove myself? When will my parents trust me enough to do well on my own? Why do I keep disappointing myself? Why am I so unworthy? Why is it that I feel emptiness inside me so much? Does God really love me? If so, why am I not able to feel it?” I did the exact opposite of what I should have been doing.

During Pastor Frank’s sermon, his words hit me at the center of my hardened heart. With every Truth, with every word, the outer layer of my heart began to slowly chip away. I agreed in my head to everything he was saying. God was speaking directly to me; the sermon couldn’t have been more fit for me. However, the final hit wasn’t until after the sermon was done, when we were praying. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the Truth as it all began to register in my head and in my heart. How wrong I was to ponder those questions. How foolish I was to ever doubt the love of God. In that moment, I realized that I need to change my perspective, and the moment I did, I felt God’s love. It was nothing like what I felt before. The truth pierced my heart and at the same time, it was filled with God’s love. I started crying. Why? I don’t know. Tears just cascaded down my cheeks, and a mixture of thoughts and emotions flooded my head. I started praying, apologizing to God, asking for forgiveness, and all the while I was doing it, I heard God saying, “It’s okay. It’s okay. You are mine and that will never change.” I heard it, I felt it, I believed it with all my heart.

As we sang the last song, I felt like it just copied my heart exactly.

Why Have You Chosen Me

Why have You chosen me out of millions Your child to be
You know all the wrongs that I have done
Oh how could You pardon me, forgive my iniquities
To save me give Jesus Your son


But Lord help me be what You want me to be
Your word I will strive to obey
My life I now give, for You I will live
And walk by Your side all the way


I am amazed to know that a God so great could love me so
Is willing and wanting to bless
His love is so wonderful, His mercy so bountiful
I can't understand it I confess

God, thank you for piercing my heart and opening up my eyes to the Truth. I was desperately in need of a reminder.

Family Bonding Time!

a great way to spend the last day of september... family bonding!
I love my lovely daughter ine, cute son t-bear, adorable dog pete. A night filled with unproductiveness and cuteness and laughter and eating and... FUN! attempts to study, failing miserably, my daughter eating cheerios/cake/apple pie/granola bars/sunflower seeds like it's the end of the world, t-bear showing off his oh-so-handsome looks when he's golfing, pete the talking dog flashing his hind paws in my daughter's face. loveable family. being delirious. my daughter insisting that she's awake even though she's not. my whole family having driver's licenses except for me... the mom... even my dog has one. cheerios for eyes and ine being cyclops. singing along to random songs... t-bear proclaiming his love to mariah carey, alicia keys, jason mraz, andy mckee. Ine falling in love with a ten year old. Pete showing us pictures of his gf. b-ry making alien faces. ine repeating 'you are so cute' to her younger bro. t-bear falling in love with an orange. me drawing a perfect replica of t-bear on the orange. peter laughing so hard everytime he sees the orange. us comparing the orange and b-ry and laughing again. taking videos of us being weird. t-bear is a fake domo monster, pete is a balloon, ine is a O.O face, i'm a pencil. pete talking to random people online and making ine awkward. ine sharing her dream guy with us. me taking notes on my daughter's dream guy. needs to have eyebrows, nostrils, needs to appreciate art, sort of athletic, studies hard enough, is funny, glasses. pete insisting it's b-ry. but that would be incest. busan satoori. bap mooguhra. singing along to praise songs. b-ry making weird hand motions and country singer voice. pete trying to study physics but failing. falling asleep. waking up. falling asleep. ine only wakes up when I talk to her in Korean. peter drawing on ine's foot.










laughter

happiness

moments to capture

I love my family :)